I Feel So Alone
As a Christian, aren’t I supposed to know that “I am never alone”? And if this is truly the case, that I am never alone, then why do I so often struggle with feeling like I am? The “alone feeling” I’m describing isn’t the kind that I experience when I’m at home by myself, or the last one at work finishing up a project. That kind of alone subsides the moment I walk in the door and I’m greeted with a kiss and hug from my wife, telling me how happy she is that I’m home… loneliness gone! No, the loneliness I’m describing is something much deeper. This loneliness won’t go away with a kiss or hug. It wont be quenched by a fun pastime or a date night with your spouse. It’s the kind of loneliness that begins to eat away at the fabric of who you are! This loneliness is relentless, it gnaws at your bones while you lie in bed searching for rest; and it’s waiting to claim you all over again in the morning when the sun rises. This loneliness will make you question everything!
Nothing Will Satisfy
Even David, the king over all Israel, at times dealt with this kind of loneliness. He said these words in Psalm 6:2-6,
2 Have mercy on me, Lord, for I am faint;
heal me, Lord, for my bones are in agony.
3 My soul is in deep anguish.
How long, Lord, how long?
4 Turn, Lord, and deliver me;
save me because of your unfailing love.
5 Among the dead no one proclaims your name.
Who praises you from the grave?
6 I am worn out from my groaning.
All night long I flood my bed with weeping
and drench my couch with tears.
No one talks like this unless they are in it deep. The kind of deep that makes you question everything! The kind of deep that makes you feel as if God has abandon you when you really needed Him most!
God Has A Plan!
I know this seems like a lot of scripture to read, and your first response may be to start skim reading it, but for your own sake, don’t. Let the words you are about to read soak through your weary soul, healing you, restoring the edges of the fabric. These scriptures brought tears to my eyes as I looked them up and read them. So I am going to share them with you. They are taken from Isaiah 55. Isaiah was speaking to a nation that had forgotten God, and thereby, felt as if God had forgotten them.
6-7 Seek God while he’s here to be found,
pray to him while he’s close at hand.
Let the wicked abandon their way of life
and the evil their way of thinking.
Let them come back to God, who is merciful,
come back to our God, who is lavish with forgiveness.
8-11 “I don’t think the way you think.
The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don’t go back until they’ve watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They’ll do the work I sent them to do,
they’ll complete the assignment I gave them.
12-13 “So you’ll go out in joy,
you’ll be led into a whole and complete life.
The mountains and hills will lead the parade,
bursting with song.
All the trees of the forest will join the procession,
exuberant with applause.
No more thistles, but giant sequoias,
no more thornbushes, but stately pines—
Monuments to me, to God,
living and lasting evidence of God.”
Just because you’re an active Christian doesn’t mean you haven’t forgotten God. We forget about Him when we pray our own will rather then His… no matter how sincere the prayer. We forget Him when making decisions based on our own comfort rather then on His plan for our lives. God is forgotten when we lift our hands to pray or preform ministry well, then turn around and gossip about our neighbor, or look the other way when we see someone in need. We forget about Him when we put family, son, daughter, husband or wife before Him. We talk to them about our lives but we hide things from God and don’t talk to Him at all; and we become ashamed ourselves.
While sitting at church, putting our money in the basket, and showing up every Sunday, we are running away from Him, and this… is making us lonely.